Love is losing game
by Quintessence88
Summary: Crystal/Nick ff set in 1x08 in that hotel room. The timeline's the same as the one on the show but what happens in my story is totally unpredictable...
1. Chapter 1

**This is my idea of what should have happened between Crystal and Nick in 1x08, of course without the scene we've watched. I love them together and I think he really loves her… should I continue this story? Let me know what you think, please! Enjoy & review!**

" _Well, give yourself some space then. Get a nice room with a well stocked bar and a well hung man"_

That was what April told her and Crystal Harris followed the advice but not before she talked and threatened that whore her husband married and after… oh well she certainly did it. She packed her bags and left dear Pernell Harris, _the bigamist_ , and checked in a _nice hotel with a well stocked bar_ and now she was waiting for the well hung man.

The Champagne was already in the cooler when Nick Tramble knocked to room 208 and the vision he found in front of his eyes just took his breath away: the redhead who haunted his dreams for years was there, in a black sheer negligee trimmed with a delicate floral French lace, skimpy thong and black lucid stilettos. The color created a perfect contrast with her creamy skin, his eyes kept wandering on her body without being able to move or breathe or talk. She was the quintessence of every men fantasy.

"Are you going to stay there and watch me all night?" her teasing bedroom voice broke the spell he was in

"Hell no!"

He smiled pushing her inside the room and attacking her lips, mingling his breath with hers, tasting the Champagne in her mouth… God, that woman! His jacket was the first to land on the floor while they were devouring each other, Crystal easily worked on the buttons of his shirt letting fall open and scratching his chest with her nails down to his belt, Nick hissed and pushed her against the wall, both his hands on her body touching every possible inch of skin he could find.

"You know, you don't need to fuck me against a wall, do you? We have a very comfortable bed" she chuckled

"Reliving a recent fantasy"

"Mmhm… I know what you mean but if I remember correctly…" she smiled devilishly and unbuckled his belt freeing him of pants and briefs "The fantasy continued like this…"

She bent on her knees grabbing the base of his penis and licked his head, her eyes never left his. She heard him curse and positioned both his hands against the wall for support while she worked her magic on him, sucking him so hard like she promised, making him tremble and reducing him almost a puddle when he forced her to stop.

"I want you naked before I ripped that little skimpy thing you have on"

"Don't you dare, it's Agent Provacateur"

They both removed their clothes and he threw her on bed making her laugh at his impatience, then he crawled between her open legs capturing her mouth, his _beautiful_ cock pressed hard against her thigh.

He wanted to taste her but he couldn't wait anymore, not after their "little scene" in the restaurant's bathroom that almost blew his mind and made him come in his pants. Nick grabbed her hands pushing above her heads and entwined their fingers thrusting inside her, it was Crystal's turn to hiss, she was very wet but not ready for such a quick intrusion, he noticed and stilled kissing her gently like an apology. It was her thighs movement that spurred him into action, making him set a gentle rhythm that easily turned into fast and hard thrusts, Crystal's legs wrapped higher around his waist finding the angle that made her scream for pleasure. It was raw and carnal, visceral and overwhelming, that was what they had, a mind-blowing sexual connection so intense to lose any possible control. She came loudly plating her nails in his palms, reminding him how much she hated to be dominated in bed and he came soon after chanting her name over and over again. There was a moment when time seemed to stop and they just basked in the afterglow, a moment of pure bliss with no space for words, then the bubble burst and he pulled out rolling on his side to catch a breath. Crystal laid still breathing hard and looking at the ceiling, how could it always be like that between them? When she said "I have my fun" to April she knew she was referring to him and what a fun they had always had together but now it seemed for the wrong reason: it wasn't just about letting off some steam, she was a hurt wife who wanted nothing more than making her husband pay, making him feel betrayed with her abandon even if she knew Pernell wouldn't have felt that way…

"Everything okay?" Nick's voice brought her back to reality

"Yeah, sure. Take that Champagne, we need it"

"You started the party without me" he said referring to the open bottle

"You weren't coming…" she replied biting her lip, the double meaning didn't go unnoticed

"I think I made myself forgive"

"There's always space for improvement"

"Oh really…"

He drank a sip and kissed her sharing the Champagne with her, it was sexy and funny, everything about that man was, he could be an asshole for sure but also _the Nick_ that once cared about her.

"Lay down"

She raised an eyebrow

"Do it" he smiled "It'll be worth it"

"Oh I do hope so"

"God you're so gorgeous, I don't know how Pernell can let you out of his sight…" he said gently caressing her body

"He's too _occupied_ with other stuff"

"Troubles in paradise?"

"I don't wanna talk about him, I don't wanna talk at all"

He slight shook his head smiling "Close your eyes then"

Nick grabbed an ice cube from the cooler that ended on her neck tracing her jugular down to her collarbone and dying in the valley of her breasts, Crystal shuddered at the cold contact and moaned when Nick licked the same path of the ice cube, cold skin turned into heated as soon as his tongue touched it. The sensation was explosive, but he didn't give her time to recover adding a second ice cube to circle her breasts, her already hard nipples, moving it down on her abdomen and letting it liquefy in her bellybutton.

"Oh fucking God" she moaned

"Drink" he poured some Champagne directly in her mouth then whispered "The best has yet to _come_ …"

She was about to reply with one of her sassy remarks when another ice cube hit her clit and she gasped groaning. The cold of the ice was interchanged with the warm of his tongue on her sex sucking and lapping, making her squirm under him, Nick knew she was already close but he wanted to keep her that way a little more making her orgasm phenomenal and he did, when he pushed two fingers in her wet heat curving them and hitting that spot that drove her crazy. He brought her so high that it was as if she couldn't stop coming and coming until her body was completely boneless and he had a smug grin pictured on his face.

"Has someone ever told you how beautiful you are when you come?" he asked nuzzling her neck

"Cheesy, Tramble" she replied with her eyes still closed and a smile on her lips

"It's true and you taste so good" he added claiming her mouth, kissing her hard "Champagne and you, my favorites"

Crystal chuckled and got him off her in order to straddle him, then grabbed the bottle on the nightstand and took a long sip before leaning and kissing Nick to share it. His hard cock was trapped between them and that made him groan especially when she moved creating friction…

"Crystal please"

"You begging?"she asked raising to fist his cock but she knew it was not what he wanted "What do you want, Nick?"

"You…" he rasped "Always you"

She slowly guided him inside her and they both moaned loud, Nick moved to a sitting position and his hands went at her hips to guide her movements, they were face to face entangled in an embrace that seemed more intimate, more profound and meaningful. Crystal wrapped her hands around his neck and started moving, rolling her hips deeper on him and all Nick could think about was how beautiful she was but a completely different kind of "beautiful", something celestial and sinful at the same time with her head thrown back, that lip trapped between her teeth that he promptly sucked in his mouth, she was his downfall. The rhythm they set started increasing but somehow it didn't seem like just fucking, not that way, not in that position, not kissing and touching like they were doing and they could blame the Champagne, the fact that they were tipsy but that didn't change the outcome. He sneaked his hand between her bodies circling her clit, sucking ad biting hard her pulse point until she shuddered and came in his arms moaning his name. Feeling her like this triggered his own orgasm and before he could stop himself, the words spilled out of his mouth…

"Fuck Crystal, I love you"

She opened her eyes wide feeling paralyzed in his arms, what did he just say? Did she hear him correctly? His face was still hidden in the crook of her neck and she was grateful for that, because she didn't know what to do and was starting to freak out in her head. _Love_ … that was never what was supposed to be between them! Good, hard fucks, yes but anything more, not even friendship even if she knew he cared about her or at least he did in the past. Coming down from his high Nick seemed to realize what happened and he slowly moved to face her, to look her in the eyes but she just dismounted him to take the Champagne and wear a robe.

"Are we going to talk about what happened?"

"Why? Did something happen?" she smiled at him

"So you're going to dismiss what I said without talking about?"

" _This is_ talking about and there's nothing to say"

"I told you that I love you for fuck's sake!" he yelled

She looked at him and in disbelief, she couldn't believe he said it again! In the throes of passion men said so many things but that didn't make them true or real, at least it was what she was telling herself before he said it out loud again.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she hissed "I'm not your girlfriend, hell I'm not even your friend! You can't say things like that"

"You think I planned it? It was out of my mouth before I could stop myself!"

"But you could have let it drop instead you insisted on talking about, you even repeated it and that makes it real!"

"It is real! My love for you is real and don't pretend you didn't feel it because you did! We weren't fucking few minutes ago, it was so much more"  
"Oh God! Who are you? Love is for sissies!"

He laughed bitterly "What did Pernell do to you to make you this way?"

"Leave Pernell out of this!" she hissed

"Why? Because he was such a good husband to you that you feel the need to protect him?"

"My marriage with him is none of your business! The only reason why you are here is because…"

"Because you wanted to be fucked, I know Crystal, you don't have to explain that to me"

"Then why? Why are you making things complicated?"

"Because…" he passed a hand through his hair frustrated "Every time I meet you, every time I look at you, every time we fuck is harder to hide my feelings from you, to give you just what you want and then disappear until you call me again"

"We haven't done this in a long time"

"At the restaurant the other night you said that I cared about you once… I didn't _care_ about you Crystal, I loved you and I never stopped then I can be an asshole, a piece of shit who just fucks you in a public restroom but that doesn't mean I don't love you because I do"

"Stop!" she yelled "Stop saying that!"

"Why? Can't you handle the truth?"

"Because it doesn't change anything! I'm still married and you're still my lover"

"The point is: what do you feel?"

She laughed "I've way too many problems to think about what I feel"  
"Answer the question!"

"You want to know if I love you? If I feel the same? Is this what you want?"

"I want the truth"

"Ah the truth, welcome to the club!"

He kept staring at her waiting for his answer

"I like you very much Nick but some marriages aren't supposed to end, you know the formula? _'Till the death do us apart_? Exactly like that and that's what it is between Pernell and I, like it or not"

"Bullshits! You want to stay married to him, you're so used to be his wife that it doesn't matter how many times he does something wrong or hurts you"

"You don't know anything, you don't get to judge! What we're doing here doesn't give you any right to even talk about his actions!"

"You're right, you're cheating on him, the _poor saint_ Pernell"

"Stop it! We aren't going anywhere with this conversation and honestly I'd like you to leave"

"Sure" he replied resigned and started redressing

It was an awful and devastating conversation. Pernell married a hooker for Christ's sake and Nick confessed his love for her, was there anything else that could go wrong? Part of her didn't want him to leave but they reached a crossroad: they couldn't keep fucking after that conversation, she didn't even know if she should see him again, nothing was like before, before those three damn words.

Nick wore his jacket and turned to her, his eyes were so sad that she almost couldn't look at him.

"Will I see you again?" he almost whispered

"I don't know Nick, I think we need to take a break. My life's pretty complicated right now, I don't need more problems, not that you are one…" she tried to correct herself but it was too late

"You've been very clear"

He made the gesture to move towards her but then stopped, he wanted to kiss her goodbye but that was something couples did and they were not a couple.

"Take care, Crystal"

"You too, Nick"

He turned around and left without looking back and all the tears she was holding back started lining her cheeks. No "enough" could stop them now.

 **TBC?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Like I said in the comments, I thought no one cared of this ff or even if someone read it, they didn't bother to leave a review or a comment to let me know what they think so I wasn't sure if I had to continue it or not. I keep binge watching "Hand of God" and I love this couple so much, I think he reads and knows her better than anyone else, even if Crystal would never admit it. So let's give a shot to story and see where it leads me… If you read, please leave a comment to let me know what you think! Thanks**

 **Ps: I do not own any character of Hand of God, this is just a fiction story even some things happened in serie will be mentioned or present.**

After the first tear escaped her eyes the others flowed freely without being stopped. Crystal crouched down on the floor holding her knees to her chest and started crying for everything, for her life that was falling apart and she didn't have the strength to hold all the pieces together anymore, for her son laying in a bed half dead… PJ, who shot himself in the head, how could she not see the signs? How could she not notice he was in so much pain? And Pernell… how could he marry a hooker after all she had done for him? She never thought or pretended for him to be faithful but _that_ … that was not only unbelievable, it was unfair and _sick_ , yes, he was a sick motherfucker piece of shit! She stayed strong while he went around pledging his allegiance to Jesus, giving money to charlatans, she tolerated all that insanity and his visions cleaning up his shit every time he missed an important meeting or did something wrong but enough was enough and after what he did she didn't give a damn of him!

She looked at unmade bed, the smell of Nick was still on her skin like his taste on her lips… she sobbed more, she pushed him away and she shouldn't care but deep down she knew how she felt about him, she knew she felt _something_ for him she wasn't ready to acknowledge, something she _couldn't_ acknowledge then why did she want his arms around her now? Why did she want him there even if she just sent him away? She raised from the floor and got in the shower, she needed to erase every single proof of his presence on her body and in her room if it was possible, she'd ask the maid to change the sheets later.

No matter how much she scrubbed her skin, tears kept lining her cheeks while her phone never stopped ringing but she knew it wouldn't be him, Nick, so whoever was on the line didn't deserve her attention.

Once she finished, she decided to leave the room, she couldn't stand to be there at the moment, she grabbed her purse when someone knocked hard at the door.

"Crystal open the door!" Pernell's voice

"What Do You Want?" she hissed, contempt pouring out her words

"What do I want? You left our house without a word, what the hell?! Why?"

"Are you truly here to ask me why?" she shook her head "You think I didn't know you married your whore?"

"You know about Tessie?" he asked trying to hide surprise

"Yeah, I know about my "sister wife"! That's too much even for you, Pernell, I'm out!"

She pushed him to go out of the room but he grabbed her wrist dragging her inside

"Get your hands off me!" she yelled

It took Pernell a quick look around to know his wife hasn't been alone

"So… I see you found someone to keep you company"

"At least I didn't marry him" she retorted

"Who is he?" his tone got louder, she knew he was pissed

"It doesn't matter"

"It does, he's screwing my wife!"

"And you think you should be the only one screwing around, you fucking bigamist?" she yelled more

"It's not like that, I love you both"

"Fuck your love! I've done everything I could for you but it's never enough so I'm done"

She turned around to leave but he stopped her again "You can't leave me"

"Watch me!"

"If you don't want to come back home for me, do it for PJ"

"PJ's gone, Pernell! And you're the only one who doesn't want to accept it!"

"Don't say it! DON'T FUCKING SAY IT!"

They both stared at each other angrily

"I'm not coming back home with you. You can move your whore into _our_ house now if you want"

"Stop it"

"I've never pretended for you to be faithful but you… you crossed the limit! I'm not washing our dirty laundry behind closed doors anymore"

And that time she left slamming the door and he wasn't able to stop her.

* * *

For once in her life Crystal wished she had a friend, a true friend, someone she could rely on and not all those trophy wives of Pernell's colleagues or friends, _la crème de la crème_ of San Vicente.

Smoking weed next to Alicia made her feel incredible sad about it because she was so used not to trust anybody that she wasn't sure she could make an exception for Alicia: maybe paying someone was basically in contrast with the possibility of having a friendship with that person.

"Hey sweetheart, bad day?"

"You can say that"

"Take" she handed her the joint "It'll make you feel better"

"I don't know if it's possible"

"Pernell again?"

"After I talked to that whore of his to blackmail her, I followed your advice and check in a hotel"

"With the hung man?"

"Yes" she replied after a long toke

"So?"

"The hung man confessed his love for me"

"Whaaaaat? How's that even possible?"

"Long story"

"Is he part of the 'fun' you mentioned?"

Crystal didn't answer, she kept smoking, a sad look in her eyes

"But that's not all," she continued "My motherfucker asshole husband came to my hotel room"

"Oh shit! Did Pernell find you with the other man?"

"No, thank goodness! I had already kicked him out"

"Good job!"

Another long toke "I told him I'm not coming back home"

"Are you sure this has nothing to do with the hung man?"

Crystal looked at her sternly

"What? I just asked"

"I need to be alone after what he did, I need some time, I don't know how much"

"It's understandable"

"Is it? Most women would divorce their husbands if they married someone else, even if the marriage is fake or not registered"

"And you're one of those women?"

"He had my tacit permission to cheat, to screw hookers or whatever so maybe no, I'm not one of those women"

"You cheated too"

"We both did but it was always just sex to me, he said he loves both of us"

"And what did you answer?"

"To fuck his love!"

"Shit!"

"I think I hate him. In all this mess we still have the trial against Jocelyn for keeping PJ on life support and I don't wanna see him, Pernell I mean, but I'll have to be there"

"You need to relax"

"That's why I'm here! Considering I can't call my "hung man" anymore"

"Why?"

"Love is not part of the deal"

"Who cares! It's his problem"

"No, it's mine too. I can't pretend to keep going as if I didn't know anything"

"Are you really sure you don't feel anything for him?"

She exhaled "I don't know"

 **TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 is up! I've so many ideas for this story and I'm currently writing chapter 7! I want to apologize for my English (it's not my mother language) and for all mistakes you'll find because I don't have a beta reader. Enjoy the chapter & review, please!**

Crystal was soaking in the Jacuzzi, her body was covered in bubbles but her mind was elsewhere drifting back to all events happened. It had been such a long and stressful day and all she wanted was relaxing and forgetting but her illusory quiet was disturbed by the knocking at the door, she cursed and wrapped herself in a bathrobe before going to open.

"Bobo, why are you here?"

"Are you really asking me that?" He looked stressed, he wasn't wearing a jacket and his tie was loose "Can I come in?"

She opened the door more and closed it behind herself "If you want to talk about Pernell I'm not really in the mood"

"You left him Crystal for God's sake! We're so close to close the Brooks deal and you're fucking my concrete pour too!"

"That piece of shit married a hooker!" she yelled

"I know it was a stupid move…"

She glared at him angry

"Fine, a terrible move" he corrected himself "But the masquerade party is in few days, so you just need to go back home, move into one of the guest rooms and we're going to reassure Brooks that everything's fine at the party"

"Everything is not fine! He has fucking visions!"

"And that's why you and I need to keep him under control!"

Crystal grumbled and crossed her arms on her chest

"Come on Crystal, it's just few days then after the Brooks deal is set in stone you can do whatever you want"

She chuckled "Why does it look like you're giving me permission to leave my asshole husband?"

"I'm not giving you any permission, I'm asking you for more time and not to waste all the sacrifices we've made"

She said nothing, just looked at him more pissed than ever

"Please Crystal, you're the only one I can reason with"

"Fine" she answered exasperated "I'll move back into the mansion. Happy, now?"

"Yes, yes! Thank you!"

"But not tonight, tomorrow"

"It's okay and you'll take care of…"

"Of the masquerade party, of course. Is not what a _good scorned wifey_ does?"

"This is the last sacrifice you're making for this deal"

"I do hope so because I'm tired of this charade"

"I've to go, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Take care"

"You too, Bobo"

* * *

Crystal ordered the dinner at the room service and ate in solitude. It wasn't so different from all the dinners she consumed alone at the mansion, her husband nowhere to be seen, probably screwing another woman or busy doing some dirty deals. _She married up…_ it was what he said about her, _the Judge's wife_ … it was how people addressed her as if she wasn't a person but a property, as if she wasn't no one without him, just a trophy wife he could show off at partys, award and charity dinners or whatever public events they had to attend during all these years. She had played the part, she had played it wonderfully but it was never enough, she fought to give him a child, to give her ungrateful husband an "heir" and he barely tolerated him for all his life until PJ shot himself in the head. A tear escaped from her eye but she brushed it off with her hand's palm pressing her shaking fingers to her mouth and then the banging at the door startled her. She was about to yell whoever was at the other side to fuck off but as soon as her hand bent the handle, Nick grabbed and pushed her against the wall kicking the door closed. His mouth was on hers taking her by surprise but after a moment she bit him and slapped him, they stared at each other panting then she slightly shook her head and kissed him again, hard, her tongue sneaking in his mouth without seeking for permission, she needed this, she needed him and she didn't care if it was for all the wrong reasons, if they didn't really fix things between them, she didn't care of anything anymore. Nick opened her silk robe finding her naked underneath, his hands went to her breasts kneading them while his mouth sucked her pulse point and when her fingers wrapped around his cock he thought he might lose it right then… that was the effect she had always had on him, just _explosive_. He hoisted her up wrapping her legs around his waist and slowly penetrated her, Crystal closed her eyes moaning, she could feel his humid breath against her neck, his hands strong around her thighs and they stayed like that for a moment until he started pumping in and out of her, harder every time, giving her exactly what she needed, what he could read in her sad beautiful eyes. It was fast and messy and neither of them could last much longer so when he felt her walls clenching around him he just let go emptying himself inside her. Nick held her tight to him for some minutes more not wanting to let her go but his strength was fading so he gently let her back down to the floor, her legs was shaking but she tried to hide it wrapping her robe tightly around herself and moving to grab a glass of water.

"Do you want some?" she asked not looking at him

"Yes, thank you"

Their hands brushed when he took the glass from her and a spark of electricity run down her spine, he felt it too and smiled. Nick looked handsome and sad exactly like he was that morning

"Care to explain why you came here and practically assaulted me?" she asked

"You never asked me to stop"

"You're right, I didn't. The question stands: why are you here?"

"Do you have something stronger for this conversation?"

"There's vodka in the mini bar, I still didn't have the chance to open it"

He took the little bottle and gulped down a long sip then moved in front of the balcony window "I couldn't bear the idea of not seeing you again"

"Of not fucking me again" she corrected him

He turned around to look at her "It's not fucking to me, I already told you"

"You took me against a wall, it looks like fucking to me"

"If I had let you talk or even think, you'd have pushed me away, you wouldn't have let that happen"

"So I'm right, it was about sex"

"Do you think I couldn't find someone else for that? Someone _easier_? Someone not married to the most powerful man in town? Someone who's not the mother-in-law of one of my clients?"

"Go! Go finding someone easier!" she yelled "I'm not stopping you"

"I LOVE **YOU**! You, understand?" he grabbed and shook her but she wriggled away from his grip "You and no one else! And the problem is you don't want to believe me because you feel the same"

She turned around with a defy look "You know nothing"

"I know you, Crystal and I can read you better than anyone else. What happened this morning was like a never-stopping loop in my mind, I kept seeing us making love, then fighting and the words you said… you feel the same, I know you do"

"I'm coming back home tomorrow"

"You're joking, right? You're not doing that"

"It's not a joke" she turned around trying to find something to busy herself

"You're not going back to him" he said shocked almost to himself

"I am. He's my husband and I have to support him during this difficult time our family is going through"

"Bullshits! This is the crap you can tell to one of your husband friends' wives, you don't need to play the part with me. You were pissed as hell to him, you were rejecting his calls, you left him!"

"I changed my mind"

He forced her to look at him "Look at me and tell me you're going back to him because you love him"

She hesitated then put on one of her fake smiles "Of course I love my husband"

"You should remember that I know when you're faking it"

"What do you want from me, Nick? I'm not easy, I'm married, I'm Jocelyn's mother-in-law and the trial is in a week, this won't change!"

"I want you! I've always wanted you but I don't want to just fuck anymore! I want to hold you until you fall asleep…"

She chuckled shaking her head

"And you can laugh all you want, you can call me _romantic_ and delusional but I know that behind your walls there's a woman who needs to be loved, really loved, not bribed, not showed off like a piece of meat, but loved and cherished"

Crystal couldn't hide the moisture in her eyes, she tried but he saw it and grabbed her chin and kissed her "I love you" he said between a kiss and another "I love you more than anything in the world"

"I love you too" she barely whispered

He led her to bed and that time they made love slowly, losing in each other. Nick was amazed by watching her finally without her mask on, by watching her let herself _feel_ , feel everything, feel his love, his care and give everything back in return. Afterwards they laid spent in each other's arms, Nick spooning her, burying his nose in her hair, holding her tight to him.

"I've to go back to him tomorrow"

"Don't do that" he held her tighter as if he was scared she'd slip through his fingers

"I can't explain you why now but you've to trust me"

"It's him I don't trust"

"In the next few days many things will happen, the trial included"

"I don't want to talk about that, I want to talk about us. I heard you when you said you love me before, you can't take it back" he said kissing her neck

"I'm not taking it back, I don't want to lie to you or myself anymore"

"Good because I wouldn't let you"

"It's not going to be easy Nick, I don't think he'll let me go so easily"

"I know but we'll fight together, you're not alone anymore"

She looked at him, how could he always know the right things to say? Even the right words?

"Thank you"

"You don't have to thank me, that's what a man in love does"

"You could have so much better, you know that?"

"I already have the best!"

Their lips fused together and soon the kiss grew deeper and more passionate until the need of air became too much

"Can I stay tonight?" he asked hopeful

"I don't know if it's a good idea"

"I need you Crys, we need this. I don't know when I'll see you again then"

"You're going to see me in three days"

"In court yes but you know I don't mean that"

"It's a matter of a week or two at most"

"You're not going to sleep in the same bed with him, are you?"

"Are you jealous by chance?" she joked

"I'm serious Crys"

"Of course not, I can barely look at him let alone sleep in the same bed with him. I'll move into one of the guest rooms, don't worry. You're really jealous" she chuckled "I can't believe it, he's still my husband, you remember that?"

"Unfortunately I do, but now you are…"

"I am what now?"

"I don't know, my girlfriend?"

"Really Tramble?"

"Okay, choose whatever term you like the most. What I mean is you're important to me, the woman I love and I want to start a life with"

"You make it sound so easy and natural"

"Maybe it's not easy because who your husband is but natural? Yes, it's natural, it should be. You deserve to be happy Crystal, even if maybe no one has ever told you that and I wish you could be happy with me"

"Happiness is an illusion Nick, reality is my only son is in coma laying in a hospital bed waiting for his wife to pull the plug and I'm about to ask my husband a divorce, there's nothing to be happy about it. You can hate Pernell but I spent 27 years of my life with him, I gave him a child, I gave him everything, my best years and now…" her voice cracked

"I know it's hard for you, I know you're suffering so much because of what happened to PJ. I just want to help you, to be by your side for whatever you may need, I just want to make you happy again"

She brought their entwined hands to her lips and kissed each one of his knuckles. She wasn't good with words, especially with love words, she felt still so closed in herself, her walls were still in place and even if she was trying to let him in it wasn't easy.

"We should get some sleep, I guess we'll have to wake up early tomorrow morning"

"Yes, goodnight Nick"

"Night Crys"

They shared one last kiss before falling asleep in each other's arms.

 ****

 **TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 is up! Thanks for reading and following this story, I really appreciate that! Please let me know what you think, I'd really love to read your comments about it! Enjoy**

When Crystal arrived to the mansion Pernell was sitting at the table having breakfast but as soon as he saw her he stood up approaching her.

"Thank God, you're home!"

"You should thank Bobo, not God"

"You're still mad"

"Am I?" she asked ironically "I'm staying in one of the guest rooms"

She turned around heading towards the stairs with her luggage but he stopped her and asked the maid to bring it upstairs for her.

"Really Crystal?"

"You should appreciate that I'm here right now, because if it wasn't for Bobo…"

"I know, I know" Pernell raised his hands in defeat "By the way I'm taking my medicines now, I'm trying to get back on track"

"Good because the masquerade party is in two days and Brooks will be here to see you so just try not to screw this up"

"So that's it?"

"Do you have something else to tell me? Maybe _another wife_ joined this family when I was away?"

"Irony won't bring you anywhere"

"Patience and care didn't either"

"I'm just a puppet for you!"

"Fuck you Pernell! Or maybe you can ask your other wife to do it!"

"You don't get to talk to me like that!"

"And since when, huh? You can be bossy all you want with _your Tessie_ if she let you, at last you pay her for her time, don't you?"

"In some ways I paid you too during all these years. This house, clothes, travels? Who paid for that?"

"Don't you dare!" she yelled "I didn't get my ass into Standford and built my business from the scratch to listen to your craps about how you supported me financially! You did it because you wanted to but I've my own money, I don't need yours!"

"And how do you think you gained your own money, _sweetheart_? You make deals behind my back, you think I don't know it?"

"I don't have anything to hide and this conversation is over!"

"It's not over until I say so!" he blocked her wrist

" .Go. Pernell or you will regret it!"

They stared at each other angrily before he let her go and she retired to her room.

* * *

That night Crystal kept tossing and turning in her bed without being able to fall asleep, there were too many thoughts crowding her head: the Brooks deal, the party and Pernell's potential behavior, the trial and PJ's fate but especially one… Nick Tramble. She slept in his arms just one night and she already missed him, the way he held her tight against him, his breath on her neck, his lips almost touching her skin, his hand secured around her waist keeping her safe. She tried to go back in time with her memories and think of a time when Pernell had done the same to her but nothing came to her mind, has he ever really loved her? He said he still did in his own strange fucked-up way and maybe she'd have even forced herself to believe him before Nick, before he showed her what it meant to be loved for real. That was the point of not going back, the variable in the equation that changed everything, she hasn't predicted him, she hasn't predicted his love for her like she hasn't predicted to love him back. Life was strange, they were fuck buddies and then, all of a sudden, they became more or maybe that _more_ has always been there, she just didn't want to see it.

It was late and she knew she shouldn't call him, she promised herself not to do it, it could be risky, Pernell could find out but she needed it so she dialed the number.

"Hi"

"Hey" his sleepy voice welcomed her

"I can't sleep, sorry if I woke you up"

"You didn't. Bad day?"

She chuckled "You've no idea"

"I heard there's gonna be a huge party at Harris mansion in two days"

"Yes, exactly the one I'm organizing…"

"Is it tiring?"

"What? Organizing the party?"

"Faking all day"

She swallowed and exhaled "I'm just doing what it is supposed for me to do"

"I just want to know how you are, the trial is in two days too"

"You've a strange way of asking"

"Sorry"

"There's no need to be. I'm fine"

"I know you're not but if you want I can pretend you are"

"Maybe I shouldn't have called you"

"I'm happy you did, it's good to hear your voice…"

"Nick…"

"Why did you call, Crystal?"

"Because…"

She didn't want to admit the real reason, she felt stupid and she didn't want him to see her weak; she could lie to him but he'd have known, she didn't know how but he'd have known.

"Because what happened yesterday seems like fading dream now that I'm in this room alone and I can't sleep" her voice cracked but she tried to conceal it

"I'm here Crys, it wasn't a dream, it's reality, nothing has changed and nothing is going to, I'm waiting for you"

"Are you? For real?"

"How can you ask me that? You know what I feel for you, I tried to show how important you are to me in the little time we had together"

"I'm used to men promising me whatever I want – and I'm not talking about material things – but then never keeping their promises"

"I'm not Pernell, stop comparing me to him! It's unfair!"

"I know it is but I can't do otherwise!" she paused "Maybe this is just too new, I mean our feelings, we need time to adjust"

"This is not your way to take time and distance yourself from me, right?" the fear in his voice was palpable

"No, it's not Nick"

"If you're scared I want you to talk to me"

"It's not something I'm used to do, I can take care of myself"

"I know but you don't have to anymore"

She said nothing

"Crystal…I don't wanna lose you"

She bit her lip to hold back a sob "You won't"

"How can I be sure about that? How can I be sure he won't convince you to stay with him? Maybe even blackmail you for something I can't be allowed to know?"

"You can't be sure as I can't be sure you'll be waiting for me"

"I don't like it"

"Trust needs time as we do. I shouldn't call you instead I'm here whispering in my own home in the middle of the night"

"I wish you were here with me"

"I wish that too" she exhaled "You'll see me in court but you probably aren't going to hear from me for a few days and I don't want you to worry…"

"Crys…"

"Listen to me Nick, Pernell doesn't have to know that someone else is in my life, that especially you are in my life"

"Why? Are you ashamed of me?"

"What? No! I don't want him to do anything to jeopardize you or your job"

"Are you worried about me? You don't have to"

"Yes, I do. You don't know him, you don't know what he's capable of"

"He's going to find out sooner or later Crys, this is a little town"

"I know but this is not the moment, there's other important things at stake, above all my son's life"

"I understand, I'll see you in court then"

"Nick…"

"Yes?"

"Just… thank you and goodnight"

"Goodnight Crys"

Crystal hung up and laid on her back staring at the ceiling. She thought that talking to Nick would have calmed her down, would have made easier for her to sleep and it just didn't, it just made things worse: she was not only worried about all the things that were going to happen in the following days, now she was also worried about him, about what they had. Was she asking too much of him? After the Brooks deal was closed, could she really leave Pernell when their son's life was still hanging in the balance? She didn't know, she didn't make any promise to Nick because she learnt that life was unpredictable like it has been when it made them fall in love, it could be playing a dirty trick on them again.

Just few months before she had a perfect life, at least to all appearances, so when did all become so screwed up? It was like living a nightmare that never ended and only Nick was the light at the end of the tunnel and she had to protect that with all the strength, she owed that to herself and to him.

 **TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, chap 5 is up! Thanks for reading and reviewing my story, your comments are very welcome like constructive criticisms if you have them. As you will read, neither Crystal nor Pernell have nothing to do with Anne Wu… so enjoy!**

The following days were all kind of crazy, they passed so fast. The trial and her husband accepting Jocelyn's decision to take PJ off life support, the masquerade party and the conversation between Brooks and Pernell and finally the deal closed.

While Crystal clapped her hands at the concrete pour only part of the worries and tension left her body but her mind went back to the trial and Pernell's behavior: not in her best dreams she'd have imagined her husband giving up and accepting the sad reality that PJ was gone and it was Jocelyn's right to decide what to do about it, they were saying _goodbye_ to him the day after. She kept clapping and smiling, playing the part like she had to but she had to double her efforts because her husband – who shouldn't have been there in the first place – decided to attend the event and then left leaving her alone, as usual. She stayed at the after party a little more avoiding to arouse suspicions and then left going back to the comfort of her house but Crystal didn't expect to find Pernell there seated on the stairs waiting for her.

"Was it good? The after party?"

"The usual" she said toeing off her heels

She was about to surpass him on the stairs when he grabbed her hand "I don't want to say goodbye to PJ tomorrow"

Crystal freed her hand "Don't start Pernell. You said it was okay for Jocelyn to decide in court, you can't take it back"

"I'm not taking it back, it's just hard"

"And you think it's not for me? I carried him for nine months after a long and painful hormones theraphy and I raised him with all the love I could give him, he's my still baby boy"

She quickly brushed the tears away but Pernell stood up and hugged her, she stayed still not hugging him back at the beginning but when he tightened his grip around her, she let go finding comfort in his arms. It wasn't love, it was grief, two parents' grief that were about to lose their son.

"Why don't you sleep in our bed tonight?"

"Forget it, Pernell" she broke the hug taking a step back "If you need to release some tension you can go to your other wife"

She turned around climbing the stairs to go to her room

"So our sex life is over?"

She laughed loudly "What 'sex life'? Please don't make laugh"

"We made love last week"

"After how long? Ages?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do I even have to explain it to you? You've your hookers to satisfy your needs, now it's this Tessie whatever and before there was someone else or maybe you want to tell me how good they all are at listening"

"Crystal, you know that I love you"

"Does it still mean something?" she stared at him sadly "I just want to say _goodbye_ and bury my son, this is the only thing that matters"

And she left him there looking at her disappearing on the upper floor

* * *

That day was the day, the day Crystal Harris'd have watched Jocelyn take PJ off life support, the day she'd have said goodbye to her only child. Sometimes she thought that if she didn't have so much trouble conceiving maybe Pernell and her would have had other children, the house would have been fuller and more joyful but it hadn't gone that way.

She wore black, total black, she wasn't a very colorful person and somehow it seemed appropriate that day. Standing in front of the mirror for the final make up touches she saw a devastated woman reflected, someone who stayed strong too much and couldn't bear the pain anymore. She'd have planned her son's funeral and finally let him rest in peace, then she'd have given Pernell few days to wrap his head around it – as if it was even possible – and then asked him for a divorce. Even if she didn't fall in love with Nick, she didn't think she could have never forgotten what she knew, about the _other wedding_ and above all she would have never been able to forgive: it was over, 27 years and it was over because of a hooker and a fake marriage, _unbelievable_!

The car drive to the hospital was silent and Crystal was grateful for that, there were no words to say and silence seemed the only answer. After the umpteenth fight she had with her husband the day before, she dined alone in her room not caring if he was at home or not, she didn't want to see his face.

When they reached the room 757 Jocelyn was already there wearing a grey cardigan she tightened around herself, they didn't greet each other, they just waited for the doctor and when he arrived, the procedure started: Jocelyn removed the pulse oximeter clamp from PJ's finger taking his hand in hers while the doctor removed the ventilator and turned off the machines around him. There was a moment of silence, no more beeping, no more oxygen pumped into PJ's lungs, just silence and then the miracle happened… PJ gasped breathing on his own, his chest rising up and down and when the doctor turned on the machine there was pulse, his heart was beating. Crystal got closer to her son's bed shocked, her hands jointed like in prayer, her eyes full of tears, she couldn't believe it: every doctor, every expert told them he was gone exactly how they had told her she couldn't have children but they were wrong, they were all wrong... PJ had been and was her miracle! Tears of joy started lining her cheeks when she grabbed his son's other hand kissing it and holding it tight, he was alive. Afterwards the doctor asked them to leave the room to run some tests on PJ to verify this miraculous recovery and that gave Crystal the chance to get away for a moment and call Nick.

"Hey Crys"

"My son's alive" she cried on the phone "It's a miracle Nick! When the doctor turned off the machine and removed the ventilator he started breathing on his own, I…"

"I'm so happy for PJ and for you and Jocelyn"

"I still can't believe this is happening, I thought my son was gone"

"Except for PJ, how are you? I haven't heard from you in two weeks and I know that I've seen you in court but we couldn't talk"

"I… I'm fine, I'm great. God Nick, you can't imagine how I feel right now"  
"Well the nightmare is over and in a good way"

"I guess he'll still have a long recovery in front of him, I don't know, the doctors sent us out to run some tests"

"When can I see you?"

"I don't know. Until this morning I thought I'd have had to plan my son's funeral instead he's alive"

"I understand this is a very joyful moment and I'd like to share it with you"

"Listen Nick…"

"Did you change your mind about us?"

"I… I need to be with my son now, I need to help him recover…"

"I'm not asking you to ignore PJ, you can find time to be with both of us and you know it if it's what you really want Crystal or was I just a rebound for your grief?" his words came out harsher than he meant

"Is it what you really think? That I was using you to get over my son's death?"

"No, it came out all wrong, I'm sorry"

She didn't say anything, he just heard her sniff

"Say something Crystal, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry"

"I can't leave him right now"

"I told you…"

"Not PJ, Pernell, I can't leave him right now. We've to be a family for PJ, he needs this, he shot himself because no one was there to listen, no one was there for him, no one didn't even realize how much he was suffering"

"This is an excuse, PJ's not a baby, he's an adult, he can see both you and Pernell together, he doesn't need to know you're divorcing. He needs your love, not the charade of a perfect family you are not anymore!"

"You can't understand, you don't have children"

"No I don't, you're right" he paused "Maybe I should just let you go"

"Nick…" her voice trembled

"I fought so hard for you, you made me believe you could choose me, you could really leave him for me, I was such a fool"

"It's not true, I do want to leave Pernell, just not now"

"Then when?" he yelled "When Crystal? When your son will start eating and walking on his own? It might take months, even years"

"Don't do this, don't lose faith in us"

"What _us_? I'm the only fool who believed there was an _us_ to protect, to fight for. I've waited when you told me there were more important things at stake, the Brooks deal, right? Then the trial, then today, then what? You're asking me to wait for you forever?"

"It won't be forever, just a month or two"

"I don't know Crystal. I love you more than anything in the world but I deserve someone who really wants to be with me, who really wants to commit. What did you tell me that morning in the hotel room? _Some marriages aren't supposed to end_? Maybe you were right, maybe everybody has what they deserve"

"This is not fair! I don't deserve this. I've been honest with you, I didn't lead you on, I love you"

"Show me! Show me you love me, ask that piece of shit of your husband a divorce then I'll believe you" and he hung up

In the matter of ten minutes tears of joy turned into tears of sorrow because she had her son back but the price to pay was losing the man she loved. She tried to call him back but her calls were sent to the voice mail, he didn't want to talk to her anymore, he made a specific request, he asked to prove her love filing for divorce but it was an ultimatum she couldn't give in to, not at the moment.

 **TBC**


End file.
